Reflections on 2016


This is the rose my friend gave me for V-Day.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written here; I had been hoping to get more regular posts uploaded but life seemed to get in the way of that. Owning your own home that is constantly under renovation has a way of intruding upon your free time. Today is the one year anniversary of getting the keys to my house and moving in. For the first three nights I slept on an air mattress in the dining room with my black lab for company. I took a week off from work and had so many ideas of how much work was going to get completed and all of that was halted when we discovered that the two front windows in the living room had been leaking for a long time and the walls were completely rotted out underneath. Thankfully my mother has a background in construction and she was able to remove it all and fix everything. However that meant that I would have to wait to work on refinishing the wood floors. The house looks very different today than it did this time last year and I’m proud of the accomplishments made in renovating it. It’s finally starting to feel like home and that is huge. There are mornings I still walk down the stairs and look around and feel like I’m in an alternate universe. It’s still strange to me that I own my own home and it’s this beautiful old girl with so much character and hidden secrets.

I would also say that this past year has seen a tremendous amount of growth in my spirituality and beliefs. I have a more regular practice now and it’s starting to feel more organic than what I was previously doing. I have a coven that is almost a year old and while it has more Wiccan-influenced themes than I would like, I am outnumbered and for some reason most Pagans still cling tightly to those practices. It’s okay though because for the most part I get to do the magick that I want with the group and then at home I really get to let my real witch out to play. It is interesting because there are several witches that I am friends with on Facebook that all are in the same general area of California and I feel like my practice is more similar to theirs than the people in my area and I so badly want to be able to find more like minded folks here. For now I continue my solitary practice and hope that someday another witch comes along with view like my own that I can practice with and talk to. I would also like to find a Feri teacher because so far out of all the traditions I have looked at I feel like Feri is more aligned with my personal values as a witch. Who knows, maybe I should just create my own tradition based upon my practice? Stop trying to search outward for validation and belonging and just begin to create my own. Perhaps it would bring some seekers in that are looking for the same things I am.

One practice that I have started doing on a regular basis is more self-care. This past year I have exhausted myself with all of my home renovations and social activities and don’t leave much time for relaxing. It’s very rare that I actually get to sit and read a book or go meditate in my altar room. I feel like if I’m not working on my house then I’m wasting time. After my yoga class on Tuesdays I have started coming home and going straight upstairs into the bathroom and I draw a bath for myself. I light some candles, hook the iPod up to the Bluetooth speaker and toss some bath bombs into the water and then let myself soak for at least an hour. Most of the time I just sing to myself but sometimes I use it as a meditation time. Tuesdays have become one of my favorite days because I get to do something for myself that relaxes me so completely and also focuses me. I have also decided that I’m going to add in an extra yoga class a couple Mondays a month with a friend of mine. I need to get back into doing yoga at home but for some reason I can’t find the motivation to do it. It helps me to have my teacher moving us through the poses, breathing and meditation she starts us off with. The other regular practice I have started is that I draw a tarot card every single day after I get out of the shower. I read the card and jot down the intention that I take from it into my datebook and I document the card for the day. I started this back in December and I have continued to do it every day. It’s interesting to see what cards turn up on a regular basis and what suits dominate my life. Lately it’s all about the wands and that creative energy has definitely shown up in my life lately. The other card that I pull on a very regular basis is the High Priestess. I know exactly what She is telling me but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that leap yet. I have so many projects in the works that it gets overwhelming for me at times until I stop and take a breath. Right now I am focusing on creating my moon circle where I’m going to offer full moon ceremonies for other witches and Pagans in the area and perhaps it will be a way for the coven to find some potential new members. I already have two ladies in mind that I’m watching and waiting to approach them about it for a few months. I have also started the Dedicant Path with the ADF and am finding that very fascinating. I love that the Celtic path has very different ritual formats than the GP (general pagan) populace. I also like that they honor the elements of land, sea and sky instead of earth, air, fire and water. It’s subtly different in a way but also familiar to my soul in a way that I’ve yet to delve into. Cerridwen has been pulling at me and I’m beginning to call to Her for help and bringing Her offerings as well as Hekate. More on those connections later; for now I will say goodbye and blessings to all.

*Personal blog post from 2016.

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